As we lead people to the Cross to end their addiction forever, I often am forced to reflect on my own journey back from what was my own darkness in addiction. I never want to forget…not even for a heartbeat. The ‘tease’ of the early highs to keeping up with using more and more so as to not get sick in the (literal) hell of withdrawal. It was the great seduction of the drugs. After only a few times, the drugs own you…and your soul. You cannot get free except for when God sends that one person who sees you for who you are and reaches out for the Rescue! In my case, it was my older daughter, bless her soul. She had been through it two years before and could see the signs that I was sinking fast. The drugs had such control over me that I didn’t even understand what was happening to my mind; that shouldn’t have been because I had been a nurse for over 25 years and I should have known what I didn’t know. Doctor and nurses just don’t learn about addiction in our training. It’s presented in a couple of moments and then it’s never mentioned again. Strange, huh? Don’t think, if you’re using, that you will escape what I went through. Just to brief you quickly right now, I lapsed into a coma, jumped out of a window to what was supposed to be my death, and then fought for my life in the cardiac care unit when my heart gave up and I lay there dehydrated and lifeless.
It’s hard at first. I remember not knowing how to ‘feel’. I didn’t know how to deal with anger because drugging covered all of that up for me. Tears were foreign to me. I couldn’t understand the compassion I suddenly had. What about anxiety? No more drugs to eliminate it. I know now that everyone goes through this. Drugs and alcohol mask everything that is human within us. Remember, it owns your soul. Emotions and feelings need to be processed properly and you need guidance and skills to know how to do that. These are things that are normal for all those ending their addiction. It’s just a matter of learning how to be ‘normal’ again. It doesn’t take long…it just takes courage, a little work and patience. Anything worth anything is worth fighting for. With God, it’s possible.
Why was I one of the tiny 1%-3% who survive? Simple answer. The Lord had mercy on me. In Romans 9 verse 15, God says,…“I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” Not understanding the mind of our God, I consider myself extremely blessed for His mercy and compassion because, without it, well…you know! With that said, if you are someone in the darkness of an addiction, quit believing the ‘worldly morons’ who tell you you’re a diseased addict and will never be anything else. They will send you to some hopeless rehab that gives you the 12 steps to hell to help you. Don’t do it! Trust God. He is bigger than any addiction and since He created you, He can fix you. Jesus doesn’t do half a job…He doesn’t make you climb any steps or fall off wagons…He has no tricks up His sleeve as Satan has. Jesus will make you whole and you will be better than you ever were. Life will have meaning. You will never crave drugs or alcohol again. Trust Him. Love Him. Follow His Footsteps. He will “never leave you or forsake you“. He will make you whole. Our God is a God of many second chances and unconditional love that we are not able to fully understand.
Don’t give up! Family…Rescue your loved one before it’s too late.
An Addict No More 